The "Over the Top" Award ... by C.L. Beck

Posted by C.L. Beck



LDS Humor was recently given the "Over the Top Blogger Award" by Rachelle Christensen. We feel so honored. And amazed! We knew we were over the top, but we always thought people meant that in the, "Over the top and falling down the other side" kind of way.

According to the rules of the award, we're supposed to answer a number of questions, but in the interest of brevity and the fact that most of you need to go out and plump up the turkey (the bird ... not your spouse) in preparation for Thanksgiving, we'll keep the questions and answers short.

(Nichole has already answered these questions out at her personal blog. If you head out there, you can read her answers.)

1. Where is your cell phone? That is a very good question. I'm getting ready to fly to San Francisco and just went through security at the airport, so it could be any place—most likely back in the gray bins, where they x-rayed me enough to see through to my backbone.

Oh wait, here it is in my pocket, glowing from all those x-rays.

2. Your hair? Yes, I have some. Is that the question? I couldn't quite tell.

3. My mother? Yes, I have one of those, too.

4. Your father? Yes! Wow, three in a row. Am I a winner? Really, with this kind of luck I should go to Vegas.

5. What room are you in? You know that forlorn, round boarding area at the end of Terminal 1 at the Salt Lake City Airport? Yup, that's right, the one where they put all the Southwest passengers. The one that never has enough air conditioning in the summer or heat in the winter. That's where I am. Feeling like I'm flying with what the Airport Authority considers to be the Cinderella of the airline business.

6. Your dream/goal? Because I just found out my flight will be delayed, my new goal in life is to leave this little round area in Terminal 1 before Christmas.

7. Your hobby? Watching the weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth as passengers discover they'll be sitting in this heat and oxygen-deprived terminal for another hour.

8. Your fear? The SLC Airport Authority will rename Terminal 1 to The Terminal-ator.

9. Where will you be in the next 6 years? Probably still sitting here, covered in cobwebs, while my laptop continues searching for a wireless connection.

10. Something you aren't. Ever flying again!

11. Wish list item? Oh, come on. You're really going to ask me that when you know I'm sitting, waiting for a delayed flight?

12. Your life? In a holding pattern.

13. Missing someone? Yes, Flight 289, which was supposed to be leaving Salt Lake City and winging its way to Oakland. Instead it's sitting on the ground in Las Vegas while the pilot and co-pilot use their laptops to figure out crew schedules. Or maybe to play Fantasy Football. I'm not sure.

14. One place that I go over and over? To the little girl's room. I'm thinking I should never had discovered that Orange Julius stand down the way.

15. Favorite place to eat? Ummm, you mean at this terminal? Well, I wouldn't exactly call it my favorite place to eat, since I wouldn't choose to go there for our anniversary, but if you're ever stranded in the Salt Lake City Airport, The City Deli in Terminal-ator 1 makes a pretty good sandwich.

Now to pass this award on. Bestowal of this award requires that we give it to others, but alas, all our friends and fans already have it. Therefore, if you're reading this, haven't received the award yet and would like to have it, consider yourself bestowed.

[Note: Finally made it to San Francisco and back again, but I thought you'd enjoy the parting words of Southwest Airlines: "Thank you for flying with Southwest, where we love you ... and your money."

Their sense of humor almost makes up for the hour delay.]